Improving.

In January. As a way to keep from going mad, I made a project list. Things I wanted to do to the house. For the last three years, most of my efforts had gone into, what I will now refer to as Chris's house. Not that i did much to it. I was simply rarely in my house.  It was time to re-nest. 

I'm writing this out, not because I want accolades. But because I want to see it. Not just the scratched off list, which in and of itself makes me feel pretty damn good. 
There are a lot of emotions that I feel about this year so far. And this list of things accomplished, encompasses them all. 

Empowerment. Fear. Pride. Anger. Exhaustion. Sadness. stubbornness. And a little peace. 

I've shared some of these with Chris. He's still my biggest champion. That doesn't keep me from occasionally muttering, or yelling, "fuck YOU Ochs" from time to time. 

Productivity is my therapy. My way of controlling the chaos of my mind and my emotions. If I push hard enough, do better, am stronger, accomplish more, then I will somehow be worthy. And in the process my house looks a little better, piece by piece. 

As of November 1, I'm putting away the power tools. Stowing the tool box and slowing down for the last two months of the year. This is for two reasons. One, even simple projects cost money and the holidays are coming as well as tuition dues. Time to start squeezing pennies. Secondly, I'm aware that running at 120mph all the time doesn't bring healing. I'm heading into the holiday season and I dont expect it to be easy. This will be my first holiday season completely single, since the 80s. Yeah I know, boo hoo, poor me. Regardless, I'll sink into the smith family traditions me and the kids carved out years ago. And we will continue with the sm/ochs traditions, hopefully with  Kc and Bear. And I'll look forward to 2013 as a year of fresh starts and  less pain in my heart. 

And a whole new year to work on the house. 

Accomplished- 2012

Cleaned and purged basement
Switched Harrison and Taylors rooms. Purged and repainted
Replaced back door knob/lock
Bunny re-homed
Red room purged and converted to man cave
Created white trash garden, city version
Built two new garden beds in back drive
Hung lattice in back yard
New perennials planted
Painted kitchen nook
Installed new to me dishwasher
Installed new sink and faucet
Hung new sconces in living room
Removed carpet from living and dining room, stained and conditioned wood
Purged my bedroom and closets
Purged dining room and living room
Scraped and primed garage


Goals for 2013

Redo kitchen. Rip out carpet. Repainted cabinets. Countertops. Floor. Walls. 
Make curtains for taylors room and man cave
Paint living room
Paint fireplace
Paint garage
replace wood trim in living and dining rooms
New flooring in downstairs bath
New cabinet & sink in downstairs bath