**this is from my accident in Jan . . . .***
you know i'm rattled when i dont take a picture and post to facebook.
so, i got in this wreck today. and it sucked. i learned some things tho, about myself. a). im not sure i wreck well and i really thought i would. i saw that the suv was not stopping, i double checked my light, and i hit the brakes and for all intents and purposes, i closed my eyes and yelled FUCK. In reality, this may not be the case, but in my memory, until my tire hit that curb, thats all i got.
b). i'm one calm ass mother fucker. i do not like people to see me cry. i wanted to cry. that was scary! but that bull head side kicked in HARD. the cops kept asking me questions and what i really wanted to say was "my fucking bell just got rung man, give me a minute, and maybe a cocktail?" But i gave them my license, called my agent. handled it.
I"m thankful for the people on site. the witness to the woman who hit me, who ran the light. the woman from the church who helped me focus so i could grab my dog food out of my truck.
despite, being very calm and "i got it" y. i resented very much having no one to call. to say "hey, i got in a wreck, and i'm ok" and have the other person be ever so thankful. yes, i have lots of friends who are glad i wasnt hurt. yes, my ex husband was very supportive, as were all my friends. but the aloneness of that moment.... that stung.
there has to be a lesson in getting dumped, and wrecked in a two week time period.
that. im still trying to figure.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Cooking. (with Chicken)
so i bought a whole chicken a few weeks ago. i debated heavily on the purchase. i usually will ONLY buy skinless, boneless chicken breasts. But at 7$ a package (all natural, free range, happy no steroid chickens), it wasnt being very economical. so they had this whole chicken from the same company sitting there for about the same price as the breasts, so, despite the fact it looked SO MUCH LIKE A CHICKEN! I bought it.
And it sat in my fridge.
eventually, i had to cook the bastard.
so one night after work when i felt too guilty to give my kids more pasta, i just dealt with the issue. Cut that sucker out of its plastic package rinsed it off and threw in in my stoneware baker. (yes, i removed that icky bag with unmentionables out of its neck).
I threw some onions, potatoes & carrots in the bottom of the baker. slathered on some butter. and poured a generous amount of cooking sherry over the sucker. cranked it up to 400, stuck my digital therm into it and let it cook.
about an hour (1.5?) it was done. I took the top off the baker in the last 25 min or so.
so that night we had the breast meat. it wasnt as flavorful as when i cook it in a skillet, but the boys liked it. the hormone free chickens are pretty small but it fed the three of us.
next was the hard part. getting the rest of the meat off of the bird. there really is only one word. disgusting. so i went to my happy disassociated place and picked it as clean as i could. i separated the white meat and the rest of it. The white meat that was left was my lunch the next day. the dark meat i put in a seperate bowl and saved it for "something else". I also put the drippings from the bottom of the pan in there, thinking the sherry would continue to season the meat, which it did.
so yesterday i decide to cook up some soup. and it was fab. and here is the recipe.
saute two onions in a little olive oil until translucent
press 3 cloves of garlic. dont burn
1 container (box) of vegetable broth
3-4 carrots sliced
2 potatoes, diced small
add in left over chicken (1.5 cups?)
i added some left over coconut milk
a generous amount of curry
a couple shakes of cumin
a large dash of cinnamon
a little tumeric
a bit of parsley
i actually did add a little salt
let it simmer.
its delish and it took me maybe 10-15 min to throw it all together.
And it sat in my fridge.
eventually, i had to cook the bastard.
so one night after work when i felt too guilty to give my kids more pasta, i just dealt with the issue. Cut that sucker out of its plastic package rinsed it off and threw in in my stoneware baker. (yes, i removed that icky bag with unmentionables out of its neck).
I threw some onions, potatoes & carrots in the bottom of the baker. slathered on some butter. and poured a generous amount of cooking sherry over the sucker. cranked it up to 400, stuck my digital therm into it and let it cook.
about an hour (1.5?) it was done. I took the top off the baker in the last 25 min or so.
so that night we had the breast meat. it wasnt as flavorful as when i cook it in a skillet, but the boys liked it. the hormone free chickens are pretty small but it fed the three of us.
next was the hard part. getting the rest of the meat off of the bird. there really is only one word. disgusting. so i went to my happy disassociated place and picked it as clean as i could. i separated the white meat and the rest of it. The white meat that was left was my lunch the next day. the dark meat i put in a seperate bowl and saved it for "something else". I also put the drippings from the bottom of the pan in there, thinking the sherry would continue to season the meat, which it did.
so yesterday i decide to cook up some soup. and it was fab. and here is the recipe.
saute two onions in a little olive oil until translucent
press 3 cloves of garlic. dont burn
1 container (box) of vegetable broth
3-4 carrots sliced
2 potatoes, diced small
add in left over chicken (1.5 cups?)
i added some left over coconut milk
a generous amount of curry
a couple shakes of cumin
a large dash of cinnamon
a little tumeric
a bit of parsley
i actually did add a little salt
let it simmer.
its delish and it took me maybe 10-15 min to throw it all together.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
In the wind.
back in the day, on payday Steve would stop at Wooden Nickel on his way home from work and pick up some new album. This was in the olden days when a new album would drop, eventually it might get some airplay and sometime in the future, everyone was talking about it. Or not. He came home with some killer stuff. Mazzy Star, Eddie Brickel, both way before they hit air play. Primus, Testment, Mother love bone. I have a list a mile long, but as I was walking tonight one of my favorites came back to me. TSOL. I fell in love with the Strange Love album in 1990. I was 20 years old, coming out of my rebelous youth, feeling tired and worn out. I was planning my wedding, buying my first house, and wondering WTF I was doing with my life. Aimless. Frustrated. Lost. But also hopeful.
i didnt know then that no matter how you picture it going, youre going to hit that rough road repeatedly. i had this vision that if i just settled down. got married. raised a family, that the anxiety would abate. that the screaming demon that told me to just throw all my shit in the car and drive, forever, would stop. and it did. mostly. sometimes.
i was 21 and 5 months when we finally moved into our first home. the home that sounded like it made sense. it was 3 years old. it was on a cul-de-sac. it was in a decent school district. and i'm standing in my walk in closet, looking out over the circle of yards, all perfectly green, mowed in their nice little lines and i'm standing there with my head against the window in my Danzig t-shirt and thought, fuck. really? how did this happen?
8 years and two kids later, i got my dream house. a nice 1400 square foot house back on the south side. where i felt comfortable. one more kid and three years later, its over.
road rash.
fast forward another 10. and thats about how fast it feel like, i've got a kid in college. im still on the ss but with a little more SF. and there are moments when my skin doesnt feel like it fits. where i still want to throw all my shit in my car and just drive. not because i dont want to be HERE, in this role, but simply because I'm tired. and there is this kid with this nevous energy and anxiety and fear and energy and angst still living here. but the grown up that has spent the last 20 years taking care of husbands and kids and partners and jobs and pets and keeping shit together wont let her win.
so. i'm faced with my future. i had my future mapped. again. and recently i hit the pavement. so i'm reworking the plan. there are things about a new start that excite me. the endless possiblities. there is also the fear of the multitudes of ways i can be untrue to myself and fuck it up. and there is the reality of my responsibilites that keep me from going too far one way or another.
and tonight, when i was walking, In the wind came back to me. as it often does in what feels to be my lonliest of times. It takes me back to that place of excitement and fear at the very beginning. of being on the cusp of the rest of my life, full of hope and dreams. but also knowing deep down, that my road was going to be a windey motherfucker.
i'd really just like to quit hitting pavement.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuBzHEbt4ww
T.S.O.L - In the wind.
People think I'm crazy, I'm always on the run
That's the way I like it baby, I'm your seventh son
I don't want no promises, I'll take it to the end
See love is not forever, I know because I've been
In the wind
People think I'm crazy, I'm always on the run
If you take me halfway baby, I'm better off alone
I will never turn around, I'll take it to the end
The wind it is forever, I know because I've been
In the wind
Nothing's gonna stop me, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me, In the wind
I've got everything I need, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me
If you want to ride with me, Close your eyes and dream
We can ride forever baby, the wind it calls your name
We will never turn around, we'll take it to the end
The wind it is forever, I know because I've been
In the wind
Nothing's gonna stop us, In the wind
No one's gonna catch us, In the wind
We got everything we need, In the wind
No one's gonna catch us
Take hold of my shoulder
Let me fell you in my arms
We can ride this wind forever
We can mend our broken hearts
In the wind
Nothing's gonna stop me, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me, In the wind
I've got everything I need, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me
i didnt know then that no matter how you picture it going, youre going to hit that rough road repeatedly. i had this vision that if i just settled down. got married. raised a family, that the anxiety would abate. that the screaming demon that told me to just throw all my shit in the car and drive, forever, would stop. and it did. mostly. sometimes.
i was 21 and 5 months when we finally moved into our first home. the home that sounded like it made sense. it was 3 years old. it was on a cul-de-sac. it was in a decent school district. and i'm standing in my walk in closet, looking out over the circle of yards, all perfectly green, mowed in their nice little lines and i'm standing there with my head against the window in my Danzig t-shirt and thought, fuck. really? how did this happen?
8 years and two kids later, i got my dream house. a nice 1400 square foot house back on the south side. where i felt comfortable. one more kid and three years later, its over.
road rash.
fast forward another 10. and thats about how fast it feel like, i've got a kid in college. im still on the ss but with a little more SF. and there are moments when my skin doesnt feel like it fits. where i still want to throw all my shit in my car and just drive. not because i dont want to be HERE, in this role, but simply because I'm tired. and there is this kid with this nevous energy and anxiety and fear and energy and angst still living here. but the grown up that has spent the last 20 years taking care of husbands and kids and partners and jobs and pets and keeping shit together wont let her win.
so. i'm faced with my future. i had my future mapped. again. and recently i hit the pavement. so i'm reworking the plan. there are things about a new start that excite me. the endless possiblities. there is also the fear of the multitudes of ways i can be untrue to myself and fuck it up. and there is the reality of my responsibilites that keep me from going too far one way or another.
and tonight, when i was walking, In the wind came back to me. as it often does in what feels to be my lonliest of times. It takes me back to that place of excitement and fear at the very beginning. of being on the cusp of the rest of my life, full of hope and dreams. but also knowing deep down, that my road was going to be a windey motherfucker.
i'd really just like to quit hitting pavement.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuBzHEbt4ww
T.S.O.L - In the wind.
People think I'm crazy, I'm always on the run
That's the way I like it baby, I'm your seventh son
I don't want no promises, I'll take it to the end
See love is not forever, I know because I've been
In the wind
People think I'm crazy, I'm always on the run
If you take me halfway baby, I'm better off alone
I will never turn around, I'll take it to the end
The wind it is forever, I know because I've been
In the wind
Nothing's gonna stop me, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me, In the wind
I've got everything I need, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me
If you want to ride with me, Close your eyes and dream
We can ride forever baby, the wind it calls your name
We will never turn around, we'll take it to the end
The wind it is forever, I know because I've been
In the wind
Nothing's gonna stop us, In the wind
No one's gonna catch us, In the wind
We got everything we need, In the wind
No one's gonna catch us
Take hold of my shoulder
Let me fell you in my arms
We can ride this wind forever
We can mend our broken hearts
In the wind
Nothing's gonna stop me, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me, In the wind
I've got everything I need, In the wind
No one's gonna catch me
Monday, January 30, 2012
Skin.
I had a dream last night, about a hug. something so simple, the act of hugging. i was out the other night, and a friend of mine, gave me a hug. not a girl hug, which are nice too, but a good ole guy hug. there is something about being held by a man that feels safe and good. its the best kind of hug when that man is your lover, your partner, your husband. your soulmate.
i miss skin. i miss my skin on his skin. i miss that feeling of snuggling up. of stretching out. of breathing in, feeling your hearts beat. my skin is sad. and alone. its misses the sensation of being up against another. in the safe place, the good place.
i miss skin. i miss my skin on his skin. i miss that feeling of snuggling up. of stretching out. of breathing in, feeling your hearts beat. my skin is sad. and alone. its misses the sensation of being up against another. in the safe place, the good place.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
veggie food.
for amber. and anyone else who wants veggie recipes.
Veggie Goulash:
2-3 cans of tomatoes with garlic and oregano. (the italian blend)
a box of macaroni noodles
Morningstar farms Sausage crumbles (comes in a bag)
fresh garlic
onion
Saute onion, sausage crumbles and garlic until onions are translucent. Add in cans of tomatoes. throw in some cooked macaroni. Voila. tasty.
Veggie Burritos:
1 pkg. morningstar farms black bean patties
1 can green chilies
some jalapenos
onion
2-3 cloves of garlic
1 can enchilada sauce
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 pkg pepperjack cheese
1 pkg cheddar
tortilla shells
dice up black bean patties and saute with green chilies, jalapenos, onion and garlic.
Fill tortillas with shredded cheese and black bean mixture.
combine enchilada sauce and mushroom soup.
pour over top of wrapped burritos.
Bake covered for 40 minutes.
let stand a few minutes.
Veggie Goulash:
2-3 cans of tomatoes with garlic and oregano. (the italian blend)
a box of macaroni noodles
Morningstar farms Sausage crumbles (comes in a bag)
fresh garlic
onion
Saute onion, sausage crumbles and garlic until onions are translucent. Add in cans of tomatoes. throw in some cooked macaroni. Voila. tasty.
Veggie Burritos:
1 pkg. morningstar farms black bean patties
1 can green chilies
some jalapenos
onion
2-3 cloves of garlic
1 can enchilada sauce
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 pkg pepperjack cheese
1 pkg cheddar
tortilla shells
dice up black bean patties and saute with green chilies, jalapenos, onion and garlic.
Fill tortillas with shredded cheese and black bean mixture.
combine enchilada sauce and mushroom soup.
pour over top of wrapped burritos.
Bake covered for 40 minutes.
let stand a few minutes.
elephant.
on my chest. holding me down so i cant breath. move him aside. get up. make coffee. pour cereal. drive kids to school. come home. get in shower. get out of shower. put on make up. try not to cry. think. get angry. get sad. get dressed. drive to work. cry. get to work. fix make up. attempt productivity. get angry. find 7500 things to be mad about. try not to cry. find distractions. breathe.
get off work. go home. make dinner. feel better. nourish children with good healthy meals. look at clock. sigh. interact. clean. why clean. so much time to clean. read. fall asleep sitting up. wake yourself up so maybe tonight you will sleep.
watch mindless tv. fold laundry. be angry. spurt of energy. accomplish task. recaulk tub. paint ceiling. replace that damn broken door knob. be angry. contemplate fixing the fucking sink. sigh. too much.
parent. put kids to bed.
sit on couch. clink ice in glass. zone out. be angry that you know without looking at the clock EXACTLY what time it is.
try and sleep. cry. be indignant. i deserve better.
sleep. wake up. sleep. wake up. elephant sits back on chest.
wake up.
start over.
try to breathe.
get off work. go home. make dinner. feel better. nourish children with good healthy meals. look at clock. sigh. interact. clean. why clean. so much time to clean. read. fall asleep sitting up. wake yourself up so maybe tonight you will sleep.
watch mindless tv. fold laundry. be angry. spurt of energy. accomplish task. recaulk tub. paint ceiling. replace that damn broken door knob. be angry. contemplate fixing the fucking sink. sigh. too much.
parent. put kids to bed.
sit on couch. clink ice in glass. zone out. be angry that you know without looking at the clock EXACTLY what time it is.
try and sleep. cry. be indignant. i deserve better.
sleep. wake up. sleep. wake up. elephant sits back on chest.
wake up.
start over.
try to breathe.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Best dating profile, EVER.
Ok. So I know a few of you out there have done, or do the whole dating online thing. It's a reasonable way in this day to meet people. Well, I was talking with a friend of mine and while he is beyond awesome, he's been single awhile and so I said " let me review your profile". He admitted MAYBE he had quit trying and had just been postimg random shit. But this is so him. So unabashedly, no bullshit, no pretense, him. And he makes me belly laugh. So for all you out there, who say there are no good guys left. Read this. At the very least, he will crack you up. Love this guy.
=== Alright... I've been here for over a year now, and while I've met some fantastic people -- some of which may very well be life-long friends -- I've decided that I've had enough. That magical something for which I yearn was not in the singles bar not at the grocery store, was not in the sofa cushions, and is apparently not here, either.
Le sigh.
Where in the world does that amazing click happen, anyway? You know, that moment where you spot someone and you just know. "That's her." And she, at the exact same moment, is saying, "That's him." And in that moment, you realize that you don't have to play the stupid games. You don't have to pretend that you're only half interested, you don't have to wait x number of days before calling, you don't have to apologize for being yourself, or any of that other garbage that goes along with this whole silly ritual we call dating. If anyone can answer that, I'm still checking my messages. Also, next week's winning lottery numbers would be a nice touch.
Quick update: I am a full-time single father and my career has been known to be a bit demanding and unpredictable on my time. I am VERY focused on my kids, and I push myself to provide for them the opportunities I didn't have when I was growing up. On the other hand, if you're the right woman, I'll make sure you never feel like you're taking the back seat. If any of this is a problem, I don't think we would be right for each other.
Otherwise, read on and enjoy the silliness at your own risk.
Hmm... Is it okay if I just random blog here? Because "this space for rent" or something. (Nobody else really reads this crap, anyway. I could say that I like to eat baby seals, and even GreenPeace wouldn't give two poops.)
I bet baby seals taste like chicken. You ever notice that? Anytime you need to compare a new food to something, the person who has already tried it always says it tastes like chicken. "Here, have yerself a piece o' roadkill skunk battered in algae and dipped in snail snot. It tastes just like chicken." I know people from Left Virginia who would eat that. Really. "And y'all ain't a man until you dun tried that with some o' granny's pickled 'possum tongue, neither."
Yes, I know "'possum" is spelled with an o at the front, but it's hard to make the hilljack accent look right if you spell all the words properly. Don't mess with me, woman, I know what I'm doing here.
Hey, this is fun. I'll come back a little later and add some more. (...since, you know, I won't be going out on a DATE or anything!)
Random thought for 03/19: Why do women take self-pics in the bathroom mirror dressed in some skimpy piece of nightwear? You're just gonna take it off after you're done taking the picture, put on your t-shirt and sweat pants, then go to bed. I mean, I understand there's that whole "sex appeal" thing, but you're taking a picture of yourself in the same place you poop. "Mmmm... Smells like sex... and corn." Don't get me wrong, you look fantastic, but I also know you're dressing up for yourself and fishing for compliments, only to shoot down the poor sap who actually comments on your appearance. Why get ticked at the guy who compliments your appearance? You should be pissed at me for saying that you look like a hooker. (Oh, calm down. I know you're not a hooker. Hookers are out making money. You're just taking vanity shots of your porcelain poop seat and posting them free on the web for me to use in my next Photoshop fun fest. Kudos.)
Random thought for 03/21: I have absolutely zero interest in tickle fights with politicians.
Random thought for 04/03: "Broccoli" is a funny word. It looks funnier when you have to spell it. Also, the word "boxes" really annoys me. You have one ox, and I give you my ox, you now have two oxen. (Sorry for the story problem math quiz. Didn't intend for anyone to have to use the ol' grey matter. I promise, no trains departing New York and Chicago here.) Anyway, so if I have one box, and you give me another box, I should have two boxen. I've been promoting this change for a decade or two, to lukewarm reception. Please help me. (P.S. Please take good care of my ox. His name is Tom. He likes chocolate chip cookies.)
Random thought for 04/19: "Read Deleted." Seriously? Granted, sometimes men send out some really lame messages, but some of us actually take a few minutes to formulate something relevant to your profile. (Yes, my darlings, that means we read all your grammatically abhorrent, misspelled ramblings. It's practice for when we have to listen to you prattle on about your drama-filled work day, or how we never take out the trash.) Is it really such a chore to send a message back? "You look like a dog's a***. Piss off." We would much rather have that than nothing at all. Honest.
Random thought for 05/22: Dear Ontario, Yes, you have some very intelligent, funny, attractive women. However, you are a little bit beyond 75 miles from me. Please stop this incessant conquest of my search results. I mean, come on... You're CANADA for crying out loud! You don't conquer anyone! Just sit back, relax, have a Molson, and take off, eh?
Random thought for 06/26: You know what I love? How people can say 480 pounds at 4'2" means "a few extra pounds." Don't you mean a few extra people? Holy moly. Don't mistake my call for honesty as being shallow -- after all, I'm not even remotely what you'd call thin -- but for crying out loud... Just be honest! I'll take honesty over a lying twig who desperately needs to eat a sandwich. Any day.
Random thought for 07/22: "Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls." Just passing it along.
Random thought for 08/07: When was it exactly that togas went out of style? It seems to me that such attire would be perfect for everyone. Wrap it a little tight if you have the curves to show off, leave a well-positioned pleat or two if those curves are a little too dangerous... And perfect for any weather! Well, except perhaps rain. Then again, a compulsory wet toga contest sounds like a really good idea. Plus, we have all sort of new material we could be making togas out of these days. Rayon... Polyester blend... Saran Wrap...
Random thought for 11/26: I don't understand why the Lions and the Cowboys always play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't it be the Patriots playing against the Redskins? Then they can steal their stadium afterward.
Random thought for 03/30: Why does this site block out anything even accidentally resembling a curse word, yet offer an uncensored "s*** happens" emoticon in messaging? It just makes me want to find creative ways to swear. ===
=== Alright... I've been here for over a year now, and while I've met some fantastic people -- some of which may very well be life-long friends -- I've decided that I've had enough. That magical something for which I yearn was not in the singles bar not at the grocery store, was not in the sofa cushions, and is apparently not here, either.
Le sigh.
Where in the world does that amazing click happen, anyway? You know, that moment where you spot someone and you just know. "That's her." And she, at the exact same moment, is saying, "That's him." And in that moment, you realize that you don't have to play the stupid games. You don't have to pretend that you're only half interested, you don't have to wait x number of days before calling, you don't have to apologize for being yourself, or any of that other garbage that goes along with this whole silly ritual we call dating. If anyone can answer that, I'm still checking my messages. Also, next week's winning lottery numbers would be a nice touch.
Quick update: I am a full-time single father and my career has been known to be a bit demanding and unpredictable on my time. I am VERY focused on my kids, and I push myself to provide for them the opportunities I didn't have when I was growing up. On the other hand, if you're the right woman, I'll make sure you never feel like you're taking the back seat. If any of this is a problem, I don't think we would be right for each other.
Otherwise, read on and enjoy the silliness at your own risk.
Hmm... Is it okay if I just random blog here? Because "this space for rent" or something. (Nobody else really reads this crap, anyway. I could say that I like to eat baby seals, and even GreenPeace wouldn't give two poops.)
I bet baby seals taste like chicken. You ever notice that? Anytime you need to compare a new food to something, the person who has already tried it always says it tastes like chicken. "Here, have yerself a piece o' roadkill skunk battered in algae and dipped in snail snot. It tastes just like chicken." I know people from Left Virginia who would eat that. Really. "And y'all ain't a man until you dun tried that with some o' granny's pickled 'possum tongue, neither."
Yes, I know "'possum" is spelled with an o at the front, but it's hard to make the hilljack accent look right if you spell all the words properly. Don't mess with me, woman, I know what I'm doing here.
Hey, this is fun. I'll come back a little later and add some more. (...since, you know, I won't be going out on a DATE or anything!)
Random thought for 03/19: Why do women take self-pics in the bathroom mirror dressed in some skimpy piece of nightwear? You're just gonna take it off after you're done taking the picture, put on your t-shirt and sweat pants, then go to bed. I mean, I understand there's that whole "sex appeal" thing, but you're taking a picture of yourself in the same place you poop. "Mmmm... Smells like sex... and corn." Don't get me wrong, you look fantastic, but I also know you're dressing up for yourself and fishing for compliments, only to shoot down the poor sap who actually comments on your appearance. Why get ticked at the guy who compliments your appearance? You should be pissed at me for saying that you look like a hooker. (Oh, calm down. I know you're not a hooker. Hookers are out making money. You're just taking vanity shots of your porcelain poop seat and posting them free on the web for me to use in my next Photoshop fun fest. Kudos.)
Random thought for 03/21: I have absolutely zero interest in tickle fights with politicians.
Random thought for 04/03: "Broccoli" is a funny word. It looks funnier when you have to spell it. Also, the word "boxes" really annoys me. You have one ox, and I give you my ox, you now have two oxen. (Sorry for the story problem math quiz. Didn't intend for anyone to have to use the ol' grey matter. I promise, no trains departing New York and Chicago here.) Anyway, so if I have one box, and you give me another box, I should have two boxen. I've been promoting this change for a decade or two, to lukewarm reception. Please help me. (P.S. Please take good care of my ox. His name is Tom. He likes chocolate chip cookies.)
Random thought for 04/19: "Read Deleted." Seriously? Granted, sometimes men send out some really lame messages, but some of us actually take a few minutes to formulate something relevant to your profile. (Yes, my darlings, that means we read all your grammatically abhorrent, misspelled ramblings. It's practice for when we have to listen to you prattle on about your drama-filled work day, or how we never take out the trash.) Is it really such a chore to send a message back? "You look like a dog's a***. Piss off." We would much rather have that than nothing at all. Honest.
Random thought for 05/22: Dear Ontario, Yes, you have some very intelligent, funny, attractive women. However, you are a little bit beyond 75 miles from me. Please stop this incessant conquest of my search results. I mean, come on... You're CANADA for crying out loud! You don't conquer anyone! Just sit back, relax, have a Molson, and take off, eh?
Random thought for 06/26: You know what I love? How people can say 480 pounds at 4'2" means "a few extra pounds." Don't you mean a few extra people? Holy moly. Don't mistake my call for honesty as being shallow -- after all, I'm not even remotely what you'd call thin -- but for crying out loud... Just be honest! I'll take honesty over a lying twig who desperately needs to eat a sandwich. Any day.
Random thought for 07/22: "Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls." Just passing it along.
Random thought for 08/07: When was it exactly that togas went out of style? It seems to me that such attire would be perfect for everyone. Wrap it a little tight if you have the curves to show off, leave a well-positioned pleat or two if those curves are a little too dangerous... And perfect for any weather! Well, except perhaps rain. Then again, a compulsory wet toga contest sounds like a really good idea. Plus, we have all sort of new material we could be making togas out of these days. Rayon... Polyester blend... Saran Wrap...
Random thought for 11/26: I don't understand why the Lions and the Cowboys always play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't it be the Patriots playing against the Redskins? Then they can steal their stadium afterward.
Random thought for 03/30: Why does this site block out anything even accidentally resembling a curse word, yet offer an uncensored "s*** happens" emoticon in messaging? It just makes me want to find creative ways to swear. ===
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